More than anyone else in our lives, we can be one of our harshest critics. The judgment we receive from others is easier to forgive or to brush off, as those people don’t live inside our heads or see all of our daily struggles. So when they comment on something, we can more easily separate them from our reality than we can with our self-criticism.

We are in our heads all day long, day after day, and we experience our choices and daily life firsthand. So even though we have a grasp on our own life experiences, we never seem to make excuses for ourselves. We are over-critical and think we should be more than we already are without any reasoning behind it.

We internalize things that we hear about other people and apply them to ourselves, making it impossible for us to feel like we can forgive ourselves for anything. This reaction can be due to a plethora of things from past traumas, mental illness, or just a perfectionist complex. Whatever the reason is that causes you to be so hard on yourself, you need to cut it out.

Life is hard and you should be as understanding of yourself as you are to others. In order to forgive ourselves, we have to learn to be kinder to ourselves first.

Pay Attention to Your Emotions

A lot of the time we feel like our emotions can get in the way of productivity. Especially when it comes to mental illness, burying your emotions can feel like the right thing to do in order to get things done without being hindered. However, by shoving your emotions to the side you are only creating more problems for you to solve later.

Don’t Let Them Pile Up

When you let these emotions stack up, you put yourself at risk of the eventual meltdown. When it comes it will be easy to blame yourself and criticize decisions you made to get through the day. We will judge ourselves for the food we eat, for taking breaks, for not getting everything done, simply because we believe reaching our limits or going easy on ourselves is a sign of weakness.

Be Kind to Yourself

Be mindful of your emotions and learn to forgive yourself for not always being on top of things. There will be days when you can’t make dinner and have to order pizza. There will be days when you don’t finish all of the things on your to-do list. Instead of judging yourself for those things you should be mindful of what you can do to improve without scolding yourself for “falling short”.

Think About What Forgiveness Means to You

You may not realize the grudges you hold against yourself are real because there is only one person involved in the grudge. Sometimes we will look back on the mistakes we’ve made in our lives or the places we believe we have fallen short, and we will use them as fodder to treat ourselves unkindly. Perhaps you got involved in a toxic relationship that was hard to get out of. Or maybe you made a mistake that cost you something at school or work.

Don’t Blame

Whether you realize it or not, we tend to blame ourselves for the bad things that happen to us. We think; “If I had just been smarter”, “If I had just been more prepared”, “If I had just seen the signs”. Even if we didn’t have control, we blame ourselves for not being prepared enough to stop it and we hold onto these feelings.

Forgive Yourself

Learning to forgive ourselves for the things that have happened to us, or what we have caused to happen, keeps us healthy and progressing. By punishing ourselves for the past instead of striving to move on and thrive, we hinder ourselves from living fulfilling lives. Forgiveness is so important for personal growth and a better outlook on life.

Everyone makes mistakes, but we must be kind when we do and pick ourselves back up instead of letting it keep us mired down. With self-care and patience, you’ll get there with a little bit of time.

‍